Most of the time, spouses who are reluctant to separate hope that the separation will end as quickly as possible. Often they fear that the longer the separation lasts, the less chance they will be able to save their marriage.
I heard from a wife who said, “My husband and I have been separated for almost nine months. At first, it was supposed to just be a short trial separation. She said she just needed some time to work out her feelings. She said she wanted a little. of peace and quiet to himself. I didn’t think this would last long. I assumed the worst case scenario would be for him to be gone for a month or maybe two. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that nearly three-quarters would pass of a year and we would not be together again, some friends of mine told me that the separation has lasted so long that it is time to face reality, they say that the duration of time is too long and that means that my marriage has ended. Are they right? Next I will tell you my opinion on this.
Why is there no deadline to get back together: It’s true that the longer you’re apart, the more daunting it can be. After all, things often get more and more uncomfortable. As a result, you may begin to wonder if the long separation only indicates that there is no hope left. However, I have met many couples who reconciled many months or even years after their separation began. It is true that this is not the norm. But it happens. I know because it happened to me. And often when it happens, it’s because someone has made a deliberate and courageous effort to maintain their marriage. Here I am going to offer some suggestions on how to do this.
Make sure you don’t become complacent and allow the distance to become both literal and figurative: One of the main reasons that the passage of time is a threat during a separation is because the passage of time causes doubt and discomfort. One or both people begin to wonder why their spouse isn’t reaching out any closer, and because they fear rejection, they may back off as well.
And before you know it, a good chunk of time has passed without any interaction. And then one day leads to another and finally you’re seeing weeks or even months since you spoke to or saw your spouse. You want to avoid this if possible. Even if things are uncertain or uncomfortable, you still want to keep the lines of communication open. Sure, things can get so awkward that all they can manage is a weekly cup of coffee together. Surely this is better than nothing and if you can see it in a way that your time together is enjoyable and that you both look forward to or long for this moment, then that is something you can build on.
But it’s better to have regular, awkward or tense conversations and meetings than none at all. You don’t want to let too much go by without any communication. If this is the case in your situation, then it may make sense to take the initiative to try to change this. Yes, you may feel vulnerable and risk rejection. But keep things very simple and light-hearted. Your goal is not to save your marriage in one meeting or even a series of meetings. Your real goal is simply to start improving your interactions, even if it’s just a little bit. You already know that this is going to be a gradual process. But if you can get your relationship back on the path of something regular, even if it’s casual, short meetings or communications, then this is something worth doing.
There is no expiration date on your marriage: People often think that if too much time passes, their spouse will eventually forget about them or their marriage. However, they fear that their spouse may meet someone else. These things sometimes happen, but sometimes they are also only temporary. People get back together and reconcile all the time. There is no expiration date on your marriage or any period of time in which you have reached the point of no return. Of course, you want to try to keep things positive and try to make things better so that reconciliation happens sooner rather than later.