WHEN TWO PEOPLE MARRY, they marry for life. That is the purpose of marriage, right? I mean, when you get married, you don’t do it for a defined period, right? It is “for life”. We have never met a couple who have married with the intention that it will not last the rest of their lives, but if there were any, I would dare to guess that they will eventually be headed for divorce.
Marriage is the period of vows to eternity; at least when one of you dies. The length of your marriage can be anywhere from a few months to more than seventy years and it is easily the biggest commitment you will ever make. Think about it, everything you do since your wedding day stems from your marital relationship, and you will always have to consider the impact of almost everything you will do.
Christians believe that marriage is a covenant agreement, that is, once married, we are united to our spouse; It is more than a contract that can be broken if the “conditions” are not met, it is binding forever! Having said that, there are very limited circumstances in which it may be necessary to break up a Christian marriage. For example, continued abuse with no signs of remorse and seeking help.
Many people believe in God, and this is the unique perspective from which we want to share with you! And even if you don’t believe in God, what harm will you keep reading this little article? Can you provide something to think about?
We believe that good marriages are built. They are built and maintained; always attended. It takes commitment one day at a time for the rest of our lives; We believe that we will never achieve perfection in our marriage, and we can tell you that this brings us an enormous amount of comfort; yes, we are happy. It takes a commitment to learn from each other and to serve one another; that the other can be placed in front of the self. This sounds easy in theory, and we think it would be, but it is completely different to put our partner in the “better” position than ourselves in practice.
Marriage is primarily about commitment. Commitment in marriage is linked to passion and intimacy; Check out the book “Saving Your Marriage Before It Begins” on this “love triangle” and how important it is to focus on all three sides. While it is important to recognize that passion will rise and fall, and intimacy will rise as well, commitment is something that has to be an unconditional, non-negotiable right throughout the marriage. We are told, and believe, that there will be “dry times” in our marriage that will mean that our relationship may need to survive on commitment alone. We (and you) must be prepared! If two people remain committed to the marriage and important issues are resolved, the marriage will last the distance.
It is also important to always do the right thing in marriage no matter the cost, having faith that all the little things will add up to a wonderful harvest of love and a rich marriage relationship.
Solve marital problems before they become problems. We firmly believe that we will always need help in our marriage. As we mentioned before, this comforts us because it takes some of the pressure off. Today many people practice personal life coaching, and similarly we have a “marriage coach.” Our coach is a counselor, but we use her as a coach for frequent pulse checks. This is particularly important in the early years of marriage and also when there is a significant change in the family unit, for example when a baby is born. Many things can be said in the “safety” of a coaching / counseling environment without fear of the problem (and all marriages have “problems”) degenerating into an argument.
Marriage is about communication. It is listening and understanding every word that our partner does not say. It’s paying attention not just to the words, but also to tone, body language, and mood. Paying attention to the unique way to love your partner and not overstepping his boundaries is vital to maintaining a great marriage. The recommended “Love Languages” and “Limits” books are there to help you.
Marriage is about choosing to believe the best in the other. It is fundamental to the functioning of any relationship, and marriages in particular, to know that our partner is not there just to make us happy. It is very important that our happiness derives from our concept of ourselves and also of God, who can make anyone happy in any circumstance, history has shown once again. Don’t expect your partner to do what no one else can do; that is choosing to be happy and being responsible for yourself. The book “Saving Your Marriage Before It Begins” mentions a habit that we recommend; it is “the habit of happiness”.
Sorry. Each spouse should remember three words, not just ‘I love you’, but ‘Please forgive me’ and the three reciprocal words, ‘I forgive you’. Forgiveness and grace in marriage are absolutely essential. Without it, you and your partner will often feel shipwrecked and lost. Forgiveness is sweet and refreshing to the soul of both spouses, and it is life for any marriage, and for any relationship!
You have a task: that is the practical lesson of a faithful person so that your children, friends and family also receive the blessings that you are receiving. Focus on it and love your partner, as if your own life depended on it, because it is!
Finally, it would be negligent on our part not to send you, a very beautiful and blessed marriage, the blessing of God through our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ …
May He, God, remain the central figure in your relationship together. May they never take the other’s love for granted, but rather always experience that wonder that everyone exclaims, ‘You have chosen me’, and when life ends, may they find you then as now, hand in hand, still thanking. God for each other, and may they serve Him happily and faithfully together until Christ returns in glory, OR, until at last one puts the other to rest in the arms of the Savior. All this by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All rights reserved throughout the world.
Books we recommend:
“Save your marriage before it begins” (“SYMBIS”) – Seven Questions to Ask Before and After Getting Married, Expanded and Updated Version, by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, 1995 and 2006 (Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan). Called a practical self-guided premarital counseling course, it is also very good for married couples. These are seven questions to ask yourself before and after you get married. The questions are about marriage myths, love styles, the habit of happiness, saying what you say, saying what you want to say, closing the gender gap, how to fight a good fight, and be a soul mate.
“Destined for pleasure” – Sexual Technique and Sexual Realization in Christian Marriage, by Ed Wheat, MD, and Gaye Wheat, Third Edition, 1981, 1997, 2005 (Baker Book House Company, Grand Rapids, Michigan). A great book to learn “how” to have sex; It’s also a great problem-solving guide, as sex can be more difficult (meaning satisfying for both of you) than you think. It is a good starting point in sexual exploration and mutual discovery. Tim LaHaye writes: “The most medically accurate description of sexual function … available today … presented in healthy terms that would help any married or future couple.”
“Five languages of love, the” – How to Express a Sincere Commitment to Your Partner, Gary Chapman, 1992, 1995 (Northfield Publishing, Chicago). This book series has saved many families and brought many marriages to life. The five languages of love are 1) Quality time, 2) Words of affirmation, 3) Gifts, 4) Acts of service, and 5) Physical touch. Do you know your partner’s preferred love languages? It should! You will learn to speak and understand the unique languages of love, effectively expressing your love, and in turn, you will feel truly loved.
“Limits” – When to say yes; When to say no; Take Control of Your Life, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, 1992, 1996, 2004 (Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan by special arrangement from Strand Publishing). Boundaries are healthy in all relationships; marriage is no exception. This book guides people to set physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual limits. Sometimes Christians try so hard to please people that they forget their own limits and limitations, and how to wisely handle their own needs. This book is a “how to” to consider limits in all your relationships. Newly married couples have many boundaries to set … partner, parents, in-laws, children, etc.
The art of marriage
A good marriage must be created.
In marriage, the little things are the big things.
You are never too old to hold hands.
It’s remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.
He will never sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of common values and goals.
He is standing together and facing the world.
You are forming a circle of love that brings the whole family together.
It is speaking words of appreciation and reflectingly showing gratitude.
It is having the ability to forgive and forget.
You are giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It’s not just about marrying the right person.
It is being the right partner.
Wilferd A. Peterson.
This poem was included in a 1961 anthology published by Simon & Schuster, USA, and is copyrighted to Wilferd A. Peterson.