I want to get married very much. God, aren’t you listening to me? I feel lonely and you said that I was supposed to get married again. How come you haven’t come yet? To say I was miserable was a HUGE understatement. Very few people want something as much as I wanted a husband.
While I was waiting I heard everything. Just be patient, just get your husband out of your mind. When you love God enough, your husband will come. Seriously? Really, love God enough. I thought I had. I kept trying to get it out of my mind but I couldn’t. Every Christmas, every Valentine’s Day, every person who got married only made it worse for me. I thought I would NEVER get married again.
To make matters worse, when I was in Bible School, I had to write a sermon for the Preaching Laboratory I was in. I fasted and prayed about what to write and guess what? My sermon was titled “Why should a person desire, desire, or seek to marry?” What the heck, Lord, are you kidding me? I want to get married, really. Well, I think I want to get married.
At that time he was looking for a physical relationship and financial security. Those two things are not at all good reasons to propel you toward marriage. I really wanted to get married again, but I didn’t want to get divorced anymore.
During the 10 years that I was waiting to meet my husband. God did incredible things in me. It healed me of the pain of divorce and the way my ex-husband treated me. I sold myself to the Lord to the point where I really let it go. It was only God who helped me free him because I couldn’t do it. I decided that if my husband was not coming, I would have a little fun and start fulfilling the call in my life.
In Tulsa there are 50 United Methodist churches. Most of them are very small and have a very small number of single people. I was very lonely on Friday and Saturday nights and I thought there were a lot of people like me. I began to network with the other churches through their pastors. I created an email address spreadsheet. Every week I would research which church was doing what or which group was doing something and I would email everyone on my list to let them know what was going on. I was having a great time.
This idea got so big that I discovered that a church had a Singles Summit in October of that year. Here I was sitting at the table with the senior pastors and singles discussing how to run the Singles Summit. Sure enough, I met my husband Peter that April. We got married in July so I was never able to go or help create that Summit. I hope it went well.
Why do I talk of this? I want to share a few things about my time while waiting for my Boaz. The first thing I did was pray and ask the Lord what I should believe in a husband. I needed a list of what to expect. God gave me my list. A man who loves me as Christ loves the church, tithes, gives, gives 100 times more, loves God more than I do, is a godly example of a man to my son and we are compatible socially, sexually and with the church. You may notice that I didn’t ask about looks or money. I knew those things would work out because women need security.
I prayed for him every day. As you wait for your spouse to come into your life, pray for them. They are alive and well somewhere on earth. God knows his name, even if you don’t.
Become the person God wants you to be. Be the best person you can be. Sell yourself to God and start working in the ministry to which God has called you. You don’t have to wait until your spouse does what God wants you to do.
Don’t settle for just anyone, expect the best of God. Believe me, many times I wanted to settle down out of desperation. Every time I prayed and asked God if this was it, can I have them? The Lord would say what on your list do you want to give up? I said, “I love them all.” His answer, “then it is not.”
If he tries to kick you on your first date, run for the hills, he’s acting like a Bozo and not a Boaz. A Boaz will be respectful, kind, and loving. If you don’t have a job (you claim you’re between jobs), you don’t have a car and a bank account, then run into the mountains. You don’t want to support someone. Observe how they treat their parents, wait for people in restaurants, how they behave in church. Look at it even before you start gifting your heart.
Your spouse is out there, but remember this: IT IS BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN TO BE MARRIED AND ALONE!